Today, I let my kid be disappointed.
I could have swooped in and saved him, been a sidekick, been a day-saver.
But I didn’t.
There was a school thing today. There are always school things. Today was one of many.
Last night we planned. We packed the bag. We stuffed the envelopes. We were ready.
And then this morning, he forgot.
I tried to text him. He didn’t answer. I tried to FaceTime him. He didn’t answer. Why do I buy expensive tech that we don’t ever answer????
He went to school without. And I let him.
Avalanche of guilt. Big, sharp, pointy, heavy boulders of it. Everywhere.
I wasn’t there for him this morning. In my heart, I felt I let him down.
Last night, I was at rehearsal for a show I’m excited about. I get excited about Shakespeare and that’s awesome.
But, if I’m at rehearsal, my kiddo is with his dad. At their house. Because I couldn’t make that work.
Now, I’m a lousy mom and a lousy partner and my kid is the only one in his class today without the things and ye gods these boulders of guilt are CRUSHING me and where’s a Shakespearean witch with a vanishing spell when you need one!!!
Stop. Move the boulder. Breathe.
This is a nothing. In two years my kid won’t remember this. Other things are bigger. Maybe he’ll remember his class election not going the way he wanted. Maybe that was a big deal. We’re not there yet.
I don’t want him to have my anxiety and hang ups. As a adult, I want him to take things seriously when they matter. I also want him to brush off the nonsense that causes ulcers but in reality doesn’t mean shit.
So, I let him be disappointed. But I didn’t let him down.
I’ll be under these boulders trying to remember that.