Getting Used
We all get used.
Get used by the ones who want
what we fought for or
What we got in the bet
we didn’t have any money on.
Used by the ones who promised
to keep and have and hold.
Because you’re alone and it’s 2 AM and
bottles won’t make themselves and
the bottle lost its cork
and bloody nipples
make the milk pink.
Fight back,
they say.
Stand up,
they shout.
Don’t
get
used.
Being needed is one thing.
But needing?
Don’t do that.
Don’t ever need.
You’ll get used.
I’ve been used.
And now, I’m afraid…
I’m getting used.
Getting used to having him there
Used to asking and assuming
that I don’t have to ask.
Used to us.
Used to together.
Used to two pillows,
one blanket.
Two alarms,
on one nightstand
Used to ‘I forget whose book this is.’
And ‘can I borrow your socks?’
Used to ‘just text my mom.’
And ‘I’ll hang out with him while you’re gone,
we’ll be fine.’
Used to a voice that whispers
when mine is screaming.
Smiles when
all I can do is cry.
What if I get used
and then it goes away;
how do I get used to that?
Isn’t it better,
Softer,
to stay safely used,
unused safe.
Back in the corner,
tucked with the other,
like a gnarled ball of yarn,
used,
un-new,
well-worn
editions-
knowing our place
taking comfort
in slouched, bent
spines,
folded edges.
But I can’t
stay back,
stay away.
He picks me up
glides fingers
over me-
sees me,
reads me,
understands my story
and hears my words.
I didn’t want love.
Now, I’m used to it.
And for it,
I’ll risk a someday
soon
on the shelf
for a tonight
a last
in his hands.
Chance horror
for the glimpse
at a last page
with a happy ending.
Long novel happy,
not short story.
Time for the characters
to learn, change,
diverge plots
and find their
place between the many pages.
Because
getting love
getting close
getting hurt
getting away inside
getting a glimpse
getting to smile-
not always-
but at least once every day,
getting everything
at least
until the yarn
runs out.
As we knew when we bought it
risked the unravel
and started to knit
together.
I’m getting used.
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