Done

I think we’re all done. There is nothing left for nonsense and red tape when working in a hospital. There nothing left for another e-mail from school about a missed assignment. There should be nothing left for to return a passive-aggressive message to a religion teacher that contained most uncharitable language and suggestions requiring dexterity and cartoonish imagination. But there is something left for that. Which means there is even less left for laundry and cleaning and cooking and the urban warfare that is obtaining essentials. And patience for those behind the fence with us. I’ve lost that. And also for forgiveness when all shit is lost and behavior bypasses bare civility and dives into blatant selfish assholery. We’re all done. And then somehow we do it again.

I’m kicking my own ass and soul everyday and it’s not helping. Be kind. Forgive. Save something, however that looks, for another day. We have to do it again tomorrow. If we’re lucky.

Pacing

Waiting to be seen

Dreading

To look

And we look

Again

A different page

Again

Another problem

A new way to

Disintegrate

In the water

That pours inside

The open doors

We can’t breach

The hardness

Still seeps in

Anxiety gets

Stuck in that sludge

As fluidity stops

And settles new

Foundations

Set apart

Cemented together

Can’t reach too far

Or the whole

Thing

Cracks

And we’re

Buried

In

Ourselves

Under notebooks

And spelling tests

Misspelled Spanish

And overdrawn

Art

Face masks

And pay checks

Lost hours

Not time gained

To show for

The hours

Given

Alone

Too close

Weighty

With

Consequence

And

Losing what

We can’t see

Can’t be

Everywhere

When

I can’t be

Anywhere

Gentle

Pokes through

The fences

Fingering

Unknown air

Bitten off

Or kissed

Maybe make it

Better

Can’t make it

Stop

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